I am a very private person who is often loath to express what I am really feeling even to those with whom I am most close. Indeed my husband, a veritable fountain of feeling and expression, who wore his heart on his sleeve, his emotions always boiling to the surface, often complained that I didn't tell him what I was feeling RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE. And here I am putting it all down, letting it all hang out--all the anguish, the confusion, the unedited gush of emotion--in a very public format, this blog, for anyone to read or comment on.
Like today, at sunset time, Liz and I took a walk on the beach and I suddenly realized that every house I have lived in with Steve--our apartment on Spruce Street, our house in Maine, the villa in Tuscany, the beach house in Jamaica--faced west allowing us to always mark the end of the day often together, often with friends and family and very often with a glass of wine. A ritual to which we looked forward and of which we never tired. It made me sad and a little tearful that here I was in a place, Grenada, watching the sky and the ocean turn deliquescent as the sun descended into the sea and that Steve wasn't here to enjoy that beauty with me.
1 comment:
The adage "you can't fully appreciate something until you have lost it" does not apply in our cases. Our public and private sense of our husbands 'fullness' of life makes the absence even more poignant.
Sunset, Bombay Sapphire Gin & an image of Shep on our Gulf of Mexico terrace unfolds in my mind every day as eventide descends.
p.s. you sent me to the dictionary------DELIQUESCENT----shortened version 'to melt away' perfect description of sea & sky becoming one, just like two souls becoming one. We had it all my friend.
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