London

I am happy. I am sad. I am in London. I planned this trip very deliberately as an antidote to the drama of the first Thanksgiving without Steve. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could keep on traveling by myself and London seemed a good destination for such an experiment. Good to know I've passed the test with flying colors.

Every day I am here I feel incredibly lucky to be alive, to be here in this exciting, sophisticated and multi cultural city, eating great food, soaking up great culture. There is so much to do and see it's almost overwhelming. And yet every once in awhile I find myself in tears thinking of Steve and what he is missing. I don't mind being alone but I miss being with him. Some of our best times together were in foreign places. I was always the cicerone, planning our trips, mapping our daily itineraries. He listened faithfully and with full attention when I read to him from the guide books. I just had to make sure he was fed regularly, not a difficult task. Lord knows, I hate to miss a meal.

Even now by myself dinner is a ritual to be honored. No hiding in my hotel room and ordering room service. The show must go on.