Turkey

I am really worried about my turkey this year. Actually, every Thanksgiving, I worry about my turkey. For years, I stuffed it and rubbed it with unconscionable amounts of soft butter, draped it in butter-soaked cheese cloth, then roasted it slowly BREAST SIDE DOWN as mandated long ago by my mother, Muriel Schwartz Beck, basted it religiously every 20 minutes or so (also her instructions) and then had several intense consultations with whoever was in the kitchen at the time before finally pronouncing it done. My biggest fear always was that my turkey, despite my careful adherence to my mother’s rules, would turn out like the one we were served at my Aunt Roz’s house i.e. dry as a hockey pock, tough as an old moccasin. Thank god those fears were never realized.

One year in my crusade to cook the ideal turkey, I ordered a turkey from some arcane online gourmet site touting the best of the best. Their best turkey turned out to be a turkey injected with duck fat, in other words, an upscale version of the ubiquitous butterball turkey sold in every large supermarket chain but without the pop up plastic timer. This was an experiment that was never repeated.

Last year in my continued quest to find the ideal turkey, I ordered a heritage breed turkey from Heritage Foods. The vendor instructed me not to stuff it but, as my mother’s daughter, I hedged my bets by giving it a serious butter rubdown and basting it occasionally. Surprise, surprise, it was juicy and succulent and everyone loved the taste. To my dismay when I went to order a similar turkey this year in early October, they were already sold out!

So this year I ordered a turkey from Kol Foods, purveyor of kosher, organic turkeys, figuring I wouldn’t have to bother with the mess of brining the bird, an always iffy procedure which usually results my having to mop up large quantities of salty water from my kitchen floor and counters. The only glitch was that this year's turkey came to me, a woman who has only ever cooked a freshly killed turkey, frozen solid as a rock. It now sits in my refrigerator slowly defrosting or at least I hope it is. On Thursday, I plan to bathe it in butter, baste it like crazy, etc. etc. Here’s hoping it works.